So what is it really???

It just came u to me…do I really want to be this person? Do I really want to be a chemist? Am I really gonna stay here? Should I take up another course? Am I willing to spend the rest of my life going to a 9-5 job? Am I willing to be a subordinate of those corporate fuckers out there? Is it time for me to go home? Should I continue with this? After this what’s next? These questions have always been there… they come and go… really… before I want to be a doctor… but not because I want it… to please my granny…but she died before I went to college… I just want to be a painter or something… or anything with visual arts… but I end up with this course…the thing is I chose this course when I was in the classroom on that educ building in UST taking up USTET…I got in… nobody believed me that I will take up such course… up to now… I think nobody does… seems like they are shocked… some were proud when I made it trough my board exams… bu for me… I dunno.. am not that excited to get job… I liked the way that I lived during my college days… so much so… I went back to UST to take up MS… but right now it on hold… just this morning I received a call from a company in LA… the thing is I haven’t finished fixing my papers yet... so am still illegit to work here…it takes months to fix that… and I will be a bum for a while… i still got time to think if I wanna go home or what.. but when I go home… most probably I’ll move to Singapore… and find myself a better job there… it’ll be a challenge cause I only have a couple of people that could help me there… just like here… all I have is my family… I got some friends but they are way out in other states… in this status… it really makes me think… things like these comes into my brain and fucks it like shit… my brain is not functioning… all I do is watch TV… movies movies movies and more movies…and I’m done… leaving things twisted and unanswered…