Bahala na blues(isangmakabagbagdamdaminnaentry)

It’s almost three months since I left almost everything back in the Philippines...at first I never thought that it’ll be like a vacation for me… but things change and my folks wont let me go back anymore…in every passing week that has been the debate in the house… it’s either I’ll go back or not…but there are things that wont make me go back anymore… first of all I spent most of my saving already for this trip….it’s like I only got 3g’s in my account back there….seems like there’s nothing for me be back there… we’ll I still got a 30 year old house and a 70’s burned out car in there and definitely friends… that makes life so easy… this entry sounds pretty dramatic… I don’t care at all… things like these keeps on bothering me day and night cause there’s nothing to do in here… now I’m like caught up in the middle… at this point it seems like there’s no turning back I got nothing left… people know me for being that kind of person who got all things figured out and can make everything work out… this year started quite well I have been able to pull some strings and be able to get one of my friends work in our company which made it more exciting just to think that there are only 3 of us working in there before we hired some extra hands… that was the most enjoyable six months in my working career cause there is no stress and I don’t have to carry all the work loads and it fun to work with your college friend….and in the span of six months I’ve been in and out of the country a couple of times and been able to visit 3 countries which I really fucking loved…everything went by so fast… six months is nothing… I never felt it coming…and suddenly everything slowed down after visiting texas where I spent most of my money… and now I’m stuck in these four walls doing nothing earning nothing and I got nothing….it’s been a year since I started living alone… that was a great challege… cause I have to manage paying all my bills alone….electricity, water, phone bill and my cellphone…. Good for me I live next to a mall….. but the budget part was hard at firs earning less than 15k a month sucks real hard…I just cant spend all my money on clothes or on beer sessions…and the thought of living alone sucks… I was caught off guard though at the age of 21 everyone should be able to move out of their parents house… but in my case I was left alone in my house…that started the “first time moments” first time celebrating my birthday without my family by my side…. First xmas as the sole representative of our family in the reunion…(this year there would be no more representative)… first new year alone….first sem for my MS,… and many others… but everything was fun!!! I can drink everyday…. People came in the house smoking…. I just hope all of those cigarette butts were already gone….that year was the most challenging and most fuckingly fun year for me… most of the time I drag my old car in different spots… got to practice drink and drive… crash into some PUV’s…and that x’mas break was the best… we’ve been able to pull an everyday inuman sessions in my house from x’mas till new year…with all those sessions gladly I have been able to pull some 1.75 as my lowest grade in MS… that was quite an achievement… I wonder if I ever tried to study at all what could be my grade… that’s me… that kid who never studies that why my folks are never satisfied with what I achieve… for them it’s like “you could have done better”… I never intend to please anybody but me… I always have this perception in life… I’ll live this fucking live how I want it to be… but these few months stay here in cali it seems like I’m getting some kind of karma… it’s like am just a useless actor being directed by my folks what to do with this life… if they asked me to decide a long time ago… I should have never came here… the idea of having that interview in the embassy wasn’t mine at all…it came from them and the office…I could have pursued my MS studies and next year I’ll graduate… and now I got no choice…. It’s the “bahala na si batman” motto going in my mind… I don’t care anymore… I got no more job when I get back… if I have to I’ll try working like those tnt’s while waiting for my papers…but I wont be a wet back… no I wont!... pride is still in tact…. I’ve sacrificed too many things already…. Some people whom I still talk to are a bit confused… cause back in the phil… I just cant wait to leave that place and reside here….maybe it’s just the timing… I only got 1 week to prepare all things and I am attending my work while doing some of my preparations… sadly I am not successful I still got tons of clothes back there… my books… my equipment…haven’t been able to clean up the house.. hope that nobody is abusing my house right now… well I trust my peeps in there…am just lucky that I got some trust worthy aunties back there… there’s nothing to be stolen in that house.. just a couple of fridge and a couple of tv’s and some of my stuffs… got to get those things out of my mind…. These past few months were the most stressful months in my lifetime… I got tons of thing going in my mind but I cant do anything with it…it worst than my these… worst than school… cause back then I enjoy it… but now I just cant enjoy every second of this life… well I’ll just try my best to pull the strings my way….naks my way mala frank Sinatra! Syet!

uwi or hindi

upto now... am still thinking shall i go back to philippines?

Erroneous "facts" against UST during the Spanish particularly Rizal's time...

i just saw this posting in UST exchange... posted by some perosn using the tag of --spharxx--
i just find it interesting and just wanna share it....

I would like to commend on the writer's passion to change the false notion against UST during the Spanish regime... This article is a bit lengthy but believe me... It's worth the time!!The UST Archives: Rewriting HistoryI believe there is a good reason to write this article not to extol the figure of the University of Sto. Tomas (UST) but to do away with erroneous historical writings about the pontifical university and the Dominicans.Sadly, in spite of some efforts of few academicians and historians to present a more truthful history of the UST during the Spanish era, many still were caught off guard and instead decided to rely on meager source materials. Worse, some merely copied what pre-war and post-war authors written in the past nearly 100 years. New generation writers, historians and biographers of Jose Rizal are no exception to such historians like Retana, Craig, Russel, Lauback, Coates, Hernandez and Zaide who had presented a villain picture of the university. Be it on textbook, a coffee-table book or simply biography book — all have the same content — they put the Dominican-run institution out of focus. Although the UST has been existing centuries before Rizal came into the picture, the national hero's relationship with the pontifical university admittedly gave more prominence to the institution. Recently, I was given the privilege of touring the Archivo de la Universidad de Santo Tomas (AUST). There was the very kind Fr. Fidel Villaroel, O.P., the current archivist who holds an M.A. degree from the University of London and a Ph.D. from the UST and author of various history and biography books. Father Villaroel gave me a complete tour of the AUST and let me examined some important documents pertaining but not principally to the history of the Philippines. As a pioneering institution of learning — from the martyrdom of Gomez, Burgos and Zamora, the propaganda movement, revolution of 1896, birth of the Republic in 1898, commonwealth period and finally the restoration of independence in 1946 — it is therefore presumptuous to assume the UST has had a hand in the making of the history of the Philippines.This is evident in the rich collection of records and other manuscripts or printed materials stored at the AUST. The archives cover three main periods of Philippine and university history, namely the Spanish Period (1611-1898), the American Period (1898-1945) and the Modern Republic Period.Since the archives contain voluminous documents, I asked Father Villaroel if we could zero in on the records of those alumni who took part in the revolt against the Spanish government. For it was in that period that the UST was portrayed as a conspirator to whatever hardship every Indio went through and the execution of prominent propagandists including Rizal. There Father Villaroel pointed to me the errors committed by most historians and biographers of Rizal, most flagrant of which was the opprobrium thrown by the producers of the movie José Rizal. "They (producers of Rizal movie) did not come here to do research. Those who have written the life of Rizal have never come here to research, they didn't care. They say bad things about UST because they have never come here. UST was not fairly treated. They say more good about his life in Ateneo but little about in UST or maybe against UST," he lamented. To be frank, I am not a movie buff unless there is some kind of nascent controversy that would push me to spend hours seeing one. Up to now I am still floundering in my attempt at tracking on how I missed the movie of Marilou Diaz-Abaya's José Rizal considering the growing naysayers from critics at that time two years ago. Two years ago, in time for Rizal's birth anniversary, GMA-7 (producer of the Rizal movie) found airtime in showing the multimillion-peso movie at the comfort of our television sets. Fortunate for me who had wanted to see the movie after that UST Archives tour but not for those who might have been reshaped by the outrageous errors and malicious lies portrayed in the movie of Ms. Abaya. For one, digging at the records at the UST Archives will show that there was not a single Dominican teaching medicine in UST during Rizal's time thus, negating the rather debasing portrayal in the movie showing the Dominican professor comparing a tall Caucasian to a small Indio. And because producers of the movie refused to do research at the UST, they failed to see that all medical professors from UST were all physicians from Spain. What the Dominicans taught were Canon Law, Philosophy, Theology and other related subjects. Professors of medicine and pharmacy came from Spain and were paid by the government.At this time, when all the possible efforts have been exhausted by the administration of UST in presenting a more truthful history, specially at that time when the nation celebrated the centenary of its independence, it is disheartening to note that many are still embracing the alleged villain character of the UST during the Spanish Period.If only the old and young generation writers took time to see the original documents at the UST Archives, they would have found out that Rizal was given special privilege by the Dominicans in contrast to their malignant statements that he was treated shabbily by the friars. For instance, they would have known that the Dominicans allowed Rizal to enroll simultaneously in pre-medical course and the first year of medicine — an extraordinary privilege given to few students. To quote Father Villaroel, "Rizal is not on record to as having ever complained about his grades in Sto. Tomas, while he did complain about those he received in Madrid." In fact, records will show that in the fourth and last year of his stay in Sto. Tomas, only seven students remained and Rizal was one of them. These already contradict the popular notion that Rizal was discriminated in UST.They would have also learned that Rizal had Dominican friends like Fr. Evaristo Arias who helped him cultivate his craft in poetry.So, what's their basis that Rizal had an unhappy life at the UST, that he was persecuted and scorned by the Dominicans? Could it be their failure to understand the underlying principles behind the anti-friars and anti-UST writings of Filipino expatriates in Europe where Rizal and other Thomasian alumni like Marcelo del Pilar, Graciano Lopez Jaena and Jose Ma. Panganiban thrived?History would dictate the attacks thrown by propagandists at Sto. Tomas, particularly the Church, were just part and parcel of the factional clash between liberalism and medievalism. And that the attack thrown at Sto. Tomas, which was under a royal patronage of Spain, was not unique since every University in Europe such as Oxford received the same fate for upholding Thomistic philosophy. The Vatican in an encyclical proclaimed Thomism as an instrument to counteract rationalism, which at that time began to penetrate all spheres of society. As Father Villaroel puts it, "This was due mainly to his (Rizal) continuous association with many rationalist thinkers and liberal politicians of Spain and other countries of Europe.""Thus, it is important to take into account these developments when assessing his ironic criticism of the Church, the religious orders and the University of Sto. Tomas," he said.Apparently, the opprobrium thrown at UST was heightened further from the wrong interpretation of Rizal's novel El Filibusterismo which was used by the national hero as his venue to counteract the influences of the friars to Philippine life.Father Villaroel said El Fili, where certain chapters were used to present a bleak picture of UST, in effect merely served as a caricature and should not be taken as an autobiographical of Rizal's stay in UST.Again records show at the UST Archives reveal that schedule of classes in Physics at UST in those years were assigned to the Physics Laboratories and not to ordinary classrooms as presented in the novel. Furthermore, Rizal did not take Physics at the UST but rather at the Ateneo Municipal in 1876-1877. There are many glaring errors that can be seen in our history books and the movie José Rizal, but I leave it those who might want truthful historical documents by visiting the UST Archives to correct them.

written by galileo from Pinoyexchange.com

So what is it really???

It just came u to me…do I really want to be this person? Do I really want to be a chemist? Am I really gonna stay here? Should I take up another course? Am I willing to spend the rest of my life going to a 9-5 job? Am I willing to be a subordinate of those corporate fuckers out there? Is it time for me to go home? Should I continue with this? After this what’s next? These questions have always been there… they come and go… really… before I want to be a doctor… but not because I want it… to please my granny…but she died before I went to college… I just want to be a painter or something… or anything with visual arts… but I end up with this course…the thing is I chose this course when I was in the classroom on that educ building in UST taking up USTET…I got in… nobody believed me that I will take up such course… up to now… I think nobody does… seems like they are shocked… some were proud when I made it trough my board exams… bu for me… I dunno.. am not that excited to get job… I liked the way that I lived during my college days… so much so… I went back to UST to take up MS… but right now it on hold… just this morning I received a call from a company in LA… the thing is I haven’t finished fixing my papers yet... so am still illegit to work here…it takes months to fix that… and I will be a bum for a while… i still got time to think if I wanna go home or what.. but when I go home… most probably I’ll move to Singapore… and find myself a better job there… it’ll be a challenge cause I only have a couple of people that could help me there… just like here… all I have is my family… I got some friends but they are way out in other states… in this status… it really makes me think… things like these comes into my brain and fucks it like shit… my brain is not functioning… all I do is watch TV… movies movies movies and more movies…and I’m done… leaving things twisted and unanswered…

random pics....

Is your water safe???

I just don’t have anything so say… but these things kept ringing in my head…

I’ve worked as a chemist in this water testing laboratory for a year or so till I left to reside here in cali... well what can I say…. Before I left I had a meeting with these people from paranaque city hall… those guys that are in the city health dept. thing…well there we talked about the concerns of the city when it comes to their water supply and health issues…cause recently they had a mercury leakage that affected the city…how it happened I really have no idea…the city offer was way out of her league when she said that these mercury contamination can be caused by the improper use of filter….I was like WTF I instantly corrected her…just to make things straight… cause it’s just a common sense… come to think of it… why would you put a mercury containing substance in a system that you will use to clean you water….just like any metals… it leech out in time a year of my experience in that laboratory taught me a lot…. And most of the I have to learn everything on my own… cause I was hired there to replace the chemist and no one can teach me cause there are no other chemist to guide me…as time goes by… I saw the problems in those fast food joints… most of their ice that they are serving are contaminated with bacteria… how do I know it? Fuck I am the one testing them and reading their results… I sign them too… people who are from the area of quezon city… try looking at the water test results of those fast foods that are in gateway or just around the area of libis, cubao, Fairview, rotonda… if the tesing was done by this lab named platinum…. Chances are it has my name on it…. For the months of june 2005-june 9, 2006…. Why am I saying these….nothing really I just want to inform why should people be cautious in terms of having ice on their drinks.. especially when they are scooped in the ice bin… I’d rather have my ice from those self served drinking stations…. Just like that in fazoli’s and that in taco bell… or else where….how about our water supplies in the house… are they safe??? Here in cali I can say that its safe when it comes to bacteria… cause the chlorine content is way higher.. that’s why nobody in our house bothers to drink from it…but we use it for cooking cause chlorine evaporates when its boiled….well in manila area… the water is good… it complies with the PNSDW level of residual chlorine,…..well if you are wondering about the importance of residual chlorine…it maintains the water bacteria free…. As simple as that….the only cause of out break is the pipe leaks….and those pipe lines that are submerged in the sewage! It’s freaking insane to do that….good for those third world country like ours we don’t have to worry about toxic contaminants especially those radiation and other toxic substances… unlike in Europe… you better not drink from their faucet…just like my prof always tells us back in grad school…. Hmmm…. How about those water that you buy in the refilling stations are they safe???? Yeah they are safe… free from contaminants… as long as they have those complex filtration system…. How about bacteria??? Chances are they are free from it… even if they are stocked for a while as long as those refilling stations disinfect their containers weekly…. Actually it should be done before they fill a bottle…..however the certifications of those water quality especially those for bacteria… they are valid only for a month… so restos are required to have it done monthly… but not all of those fastfoods comply based on my experience….water districts are the only ones that I know that complies with it… but those business establishments… nah… they dont give a damn…so what’s the fucking point? Well if ever you get sick from a resto due to their beverages…. Their monthly water monitoring should be checked…… nah forget about it.. these are just bits of info.. that came across my head….

resistensya builders?

Hmmm… I’ve been able to quit smoking for more than a month now…. i’ve been in it just for half a year…. It’s freaking ironic…. back in college I don’t really smoke….but last year when the boozing started to accumulate almost everyday… and since I lived alone in the house…am freaking free all night even after school…I still go to some drinking sessions…. What a fucked up schedule… start work early…then go to school… then booze… that affected my health real bad… an up to now… maybe I’m just not used to this clean living…. No cigs… no alcohol…. I haven’t consumed beer for more than a month… and I haven’t been drunk for more than 2 months… never been drunk here in cali….first… no drink and drive… it’s a NO NO here to be caught drinking… it’s major fucking offense…. Am reading the DMV handbook and ALCOHOL is one of their major concerns here… unlike in my country… DRINK and DRIVE… as long as you don’t bump into another car….neway…. why is the freaking title resistensya…well… cause I noticed I get so freaking tired after 5 laps in the treadmill….. woooot…... am not like that before….. I use to play badminton for hours…. And have my fencing class….though after those fencing class I can hardly drive….cause my legs hurts so bad….over rev?....hmmm maybe I need some alcohol….aha! visit superior for a box of corona!!!